Saturday, May 07, 2005

The Annoying Rival Battle Tournament - FINALS!

Here is the main event, the winner of the Secret ID bracket vs. the winner of the Teen Comics bracket...

Flash Thompson

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vs.

Reggie Mantle!!

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A battle between two such titans in the field of annoying rivals needs a fair measurement, so I will rate the two in ELEVEN categories! The winner of the most categories is the champ!!

Individual Success - Both of them are good athletes, but Reggie has won many OTHER awards, while Flash...well...is a good athlete. Reggie is destined to be a successful businessman - Flash only got a job as a trucker just as a plot by Norman Osborn against Peter Parker. Reggies takes this one! Reggie 1, Flash 0

Sales Success - Reggie has had about three titles over the years, all of which were cancelled. However, I think HAVING his own title is still something to be proud of, especially when you've had three!! Flash has never had his own title...ever! Reggie takes this one! Reggie 2, Flash 0.

Complexity of Relationship - Both relationships (Flash and Peter, Reggie and Archie) are interesting because in both cases, the rivals (Peter and Archie) hang out with them even though they are really, really big jerks. What's up with that? Of the two, though, only Flash ever actually explored the paradox (in a Steven Grant story where Flash asks, "Why ARE we friends?"). In addition, the whole "President of the Spider-Man fan club while hating Peter Parker" thing is tooo much. Flash takes this one! Reggie 2, Flash 1.

Fighting Ability - Flash went to war. Reggie gets beat up by Moose a LOT. Flash in a cake walk. Reggie 2, Flash 2.

Intelligence - Reggie is actually a good student at Riverdale High. In addition, he often comes up with quite elaborate pranks which require a lot of thought behind them. Flash? Well, he's a moron. Reggie takes it! Reggie 3, Flash 2.

Most Likely to be Mistaken as the Hobgoblin - In a surprise upset, Flash Thompson, who actually WAS mistaken as the Hobgoblin for awhile, LOSES to Reggie Mantle!! But really, when you look at it, it should not come as such a surprise. After all, Flash is a moron who loves Spider-Man. Is he really going to be the guy who is going to be a criminal mastermind who hates Spider-Man?! Reggie is JUST devious enough to have the thought be in people's minds. Reggie 4, Flash 2.

Longevity - Reggie's first appearance was in 1942. Flash's first appearance was in 1962. Reggie in a walk. Reggie 5, Flash 2.

Most Open-Minded - Reggie only dates popular white girls. Flash was with a Vietnamese woman AND an ex-crook! In addition, Flash was able to see through the Daily Bugle's hype and know that Spider-Man was a good guy! Flash wins! Reggie 5, Flash 3.

Better Ladies Man - Reggie gets rejected by girls that would obviously date Flash, so Flash takes this easily. Reggie 5, Flash 4.

Musical Ability - Reggie played lead guitar on "SUGAR, SUGAR"!!!! Flash can't play the triangle. Reggie easily wins! Reggie 6, Flash 4.

Cooler Current Status - Reggie is currently vying with Archie for Betty and/or Veronica (or whatever hot new girl is in town), playing lead guitar in the Archies, and generally living the cake life. Flash is: Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Advantage - Reggie.

Reggie 7, Flash 4.

We have a winner!!!

The best annoying rival is - REGGIE MANTLE!!!

Thoughts from the peanut gallery?

2 Comments:

Blogger Scipio said...

In "Secret ID" World, annoying rivals are mere personal distractions; villains are where the real action is.

But in Teen Comics World, annoying rivals ARE the supervillains, which makes Reggie's victory inevitable.

5/07/2005 8:20 PM  
Blogger Brad Curran said...

"Flash can't play the triangle."

I bet he could play an awesome triangle. If he wasn't in a coma and all. Man, are you an insensitive dick, Cronin.

5/09/2005 10:00 PM  

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