Thursday, March 30, 2006

That Galactus Fanfic, Part 2

Meanwhile, at the Forman Household, Kitty and Bob are worried about Red

Kitty: He's been in that garage for days, Bob. That's not natural. I think he might be angry about something.

Bob: How could you tell? He's always angry. At least when I'm around.

Kitty: Yeah, what a coincidence...

Kitty does her weird laugh. Bob looks hurt. Kitty composes herself.

Kitty: I'm... sure it's a coincidence Bob. I really ought to go check on him.

Kitty waits for Bob to leave. He doesn't.

Kitty: So, Bob... see you later!

Bob: I'll be right here.

Kitty: Uh, Bob, I meant see you later after you leave and go back to your house.

Bob: No. I'm fine right here.

Red, from the garage: Go home, Bob!

Bob quickly leaves.

Kitty enters the garage. Red is sporting Reed Richards-like stubble, in my sad attempt at a homage to the original Galactus arc.

Kitty: Red, thanks for getting rid of Bob, but I'm worried about you. You spend all your time in the garage and oh my god who is that large bald man in a toga?

Red: Oh, yeah. This Uatu. Apparently he's some kind of intergalactic hall monitor or something. He's been telling me about some dumb ass named Galactus who wants to eat the planet. So we've been coming up with a way to get rid of him.

Kitty: Okay.

Uatu: Kitty Forman, do not be alarmed. Though I have take an oath of non interference, I can not sit idly by while Galactus threatens your planet. So I have come to your husband in search of help to save it.

Kitty: So, what you're saying is that my husband is the Earth's last hope?

Red: Yeah, isn't it the damnedest thing!

Kitty: Oh dear.

Red: What do you mean, oh dear?

Kitty: Well, uh, honey, not to sell you or this nice... Uatu short, but, well...

Kitty looks right at Uatu

Kitty: Couldn't you have found someone better? Like Robert Redford? I bet he could sort this Galactus person out.

Kitty beams, thinking of Redford. Red looks annoyed. Uatu shrugs.

Uatu: Your husband is a war hero.

Red: That's damn right!

Uatu: Also, he was the only person I could get on short notice.

Red: Don't make me put my foot up your ass, Uatu!

Uatu looks frightened.

Kitty: Please forgive my husband, Uatu. He just has a thing for his foot and people's asses and... I bet you already knew that. And yet our fate is in his hands.

Uatu: Yes. I have observed your husband. His angry outbursts belie his good heart and strong commitment to doing what is right.

Red: Yeah. I could kick Robert Redford's ass!

Uatu: I have observed the human Redford, and I have to say that I believe you would be overmatched. He is a god among men. And quite handsome.

Red: That's it! I'm not takin' crap from some giant bald fruit in my own garage! Get out! I'll go stop this Galactus dumb ass myself!

Uatu: But we have not yet completed the Ultimate nullifier! That is the only weapon capable of defeating the devourer of worlds!

Red: Well, Uatu, I've got an Ultimate nullifier for him. It's my foot up his ass!

Red storms off. Kitty looks at Uatu

Kitty: So, uh, would you like some cookies?

Uatu: I have observed that you often burn your cookies.

Kitty dirty looks him.

Kitty: Get out.

Will Red be able to put his foot up Galactus's ass? Will Bob find companionship in Uatu? Will Kitty stop burning her cookies? Oh yeah, and isn't Galactus looking for a herald? Some of these questions might be answered in the next installment of That Galactus Fanfic. When I get around to writing it. Maybe. Just trying to be realistic.


Blogger Luke said...

Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not stop now!

This has to be at least the third best thing ever!


3/31/2006 3:06 AM  

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