Saturday, March 25, 2006

Because Ed Cunard said he'd read it; That Galactus Fanfic (Pt. 1)

He did. So here it is, Ed. I hope that wasn't sarcasm.

It's noon in Eric Forman's basement, and the gang is wasting away another boring day.

Hyde: Okay. I think we have officially done everything we possibly could down here to stave off boredom, so I say we just drink some of that Kool Aid and end it all.

Kelso: I don't like Kool Aid.

Everyone rolls their eyes at him. He has no clue why.

Fez: You know, Donna and Jackie could make out. That is something different.

Donna and Jackie in unison: Pervert!

Fez: Hey, I am just trying to help here. Don't shoot the messenger!

Eric: Y'know, girls, I think Fez has a point...

Jackie: Shut up, Eric! You guys are all creeps and Donna and I would rather be at the Mall clothes shopping than be in this musty old basement!

Donna and Jackie get up to leave.

Eric: Hey, Donna... you're really going to the mall with Jackie? I mean... it's Jackie. And the Mall. You'll be at the mall with Jackie.

Jackie flashes Eric a dirty look. Eric ignores her. Kelso still has no idea what's going on.

Donna: Yeah, well, I never thought it would come to this, but here we are.

Donna and Eric leave. Kelso picks up a Fantastic Four comic from Forman's coffee table in front of the TV.

Kelso: Man, I wish things were more like comics. I bet the Fantastic Four are never bored. I mean, look at the Human Torch there. He can set himself on fire! I bet that's awesome.

Hyde: Kelso, man, so can you.

Kelso: Oh yeah.

Forman: Yeah, well, the Fantastic Four don't freeload in their friend's basement. Unlike some people.

Kelso: Yeah, well, maybe that's because the Fantastic Four don't have any lame friends!

Forman: Well, I always thought the Inhumans were kind of dorky. I mean, Black Bolt wears that tuning fork on his head...

Hyde: Yeah, I'm already bored with this, and I thought of something we can do that never gets old. (Hyde pulls out a bag of pot)

Hyde: So, flame on!

Switch to the Circle. Everyone's high and sitting in a circle, for anyone conceivably reading this who isn't familiar with That 70s Show.

Kelso: Wait, I thought I was the Human Torch.

Fez: I feel like the Invisible Girl.

Everyone completely ignores him.

Eric: Well, I am so Mr. Fantastic. And not just because I'm limber.

Everyone looks at him funny.

Eric: Ask Donna!

Hyde: Yeah, uh, no.

Fez: I'd like to be the Invisble Girl. I could touch myself and no one could see me.

Everyone looks at Fez funny.

Eric: And we wondered why people send us letters asking us why we don't get rid of you.

Everyone looks at Eric funny.

Eric: See, there was this old Fantastic Four story where they answered letters in the comic, and there was this one letter where someone asked why they keep the Invisible Girl around...

Hyde: Eric, I don't care where this story is going, it's going to end with me calling you a nerd.

Eric: A limber nerd?

Hyde: No. Just a nerd.

Kelso: Hey, I have an idea!

Later on, the guys are at the water tower with the pot leaf on it.

Kelso: I don't know why I didn't think of coming up here after a circle before.

Eric: Maybe because you've never thought in a circle before.

Hyde: Nah, Eric, man, that isn't fair. Kelso does a lot of thinking in the circle. Remember when he came up with that idea for a rocket car?

Eric: Oh right. The car with the rocket strapped on it.

Kelso: That so would have worked if I had more tape.

Eric: So, I just had a thought. If I'm Mr. Fantastic, then Dr. Doom has to be...

Hyde: Red, man. Red is totally Dr. Doom.

Cut to scene with Red dressed as Doom and Eric as Reed. They are in Doom's castle.

Red/Doom: Cure you, dumb ass! You ruined Red's life! Now Red must crush you!

Eric/Reed: How? By being a dashing, brilliant thorn in your side?

Red: No, by being a dumb ass! You screwed up the calculations for my lab experiment, causing me to scar my face horribly!

Eric: It was close enough!

Red: See, that's your problem! You always half do things! Close enough isn't good enough! Back in my day, we used to work hard...

Eric: Wait, I thought you were Dr. Doom, not Red.

Red: Hey, it's your interlude, dumb ass.

Back to the water tower

Kelso: Whoa. I must be really messed up, but I think I see a giant purple dude with a weird helmet off in the distance.

Hyde: Well, we all smoked the same stash, so that might explain why I'm seeing it too.

Fez: I don't see anything.

Hyde: That's because you're reading a Hustler.

Fez: That is beside the point.

Eric: Guys, this is crazy, but I think that's...

Galactus, hovering above the water tower, enters the scene.

Galactus: I AM GALACTUS, DEVOURER OF WORLDS! AND I HAVE COME IN SEARCH OF A HERALD!

Hyde: Man, what was in that stash?

To be continued! Maybe Right Now! But probably not.

2 Comments:

Blogger Luke said...

Please, please continue this. Hilarity, it shall ensue.

L

3/26/2006 2:51 AM  
Blogger Jeff Brady said...

This is damned hilarious. More, please!

3/27/2006 3:55 AM  

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